Movies for a Rainy Day

The Good, the Bad, and the So-Bad-They're-Good.

Iron Fist

Okay, there is a long, complicated backstory here. It involves Danny Rand’s (he’s Iron Fist) father and a mystical city of martial artists. Danny eventually grows up in K’un-Lun (that mystical city I mentioned before) where he is now an orphan (his dad was murdered by his business partner and his mom was eaten by wolves). Young Danny learns the ways of the martial arts masters of K’un-Lun (he is trained by Lei Kung on the order of Yu-Ti). Being an adult, now, he wants to return to the civilized world and get his family business back from his dad’s old business partner (he killed Danny’s dad, remember?).

Danny makes it to New York, NY and soon finds that he was followed by a very angry guy from K’un-Lun (after all, this outsider white kid gets special training on the order of the city’s ruler…somebody is bound to get jealous). Danny gets very close to killing Meachum (his dad’s old business partner/murderer) but he is so ashamed of his feelings of vengeance that he walks away. A mysterious ninja kills Meachum (this would be Davos, the son of Lei Kung and really jealous guy). Danny is pinned for Meachum’s death and he now has to clear his name. He meets Misty Knight (no, not a stripper). Misty was an NYPD until a terrorist attack left her with one arm. Tony Stark supplied a bionic arm (with super strength) to Misty and she became a private investigator. She helps Danny clear his name and they fall in love…

…Did I miss anything? Oh! Davos!

He’s the guy in the air.

He becomes the Steel Serpent and wants to kill Danny. He is jealous of this outsider boy gaining the coveted power of the Iron Fist. That is where this movie could bring back some really good martial arts fights (but PLEASE no wire work). I’m talking old school martial arts training scenes a la “Legend of Kung Fu” mixed with gritty modern urban martial arts fights like in “Unleashed” or really any other Jet Li movie (I think his Kung Fu is strongest in recent movies).

Dream Cast:

Iron Fist/Danny Rand: Scott Adkins (“The Expendables 2″)

Davos/Steel Serpent: Donnie Yen (“Ip Man”)

Yu-Ti: Gordon Liu (“Kill Bill”)

Lei Kung: Bolo Yeung (“Bloodsport”)

Misty Knight: Rosario Dawson (“Death Proof”)

Meachum: Danny Huston (“John Adams” T.V.)

Luke Cage

Alright…been gone for about a month, but I’m back and ready to jump into the next set of “They need to make this movie” posts. Let’s start with Luke Cage.

Luke Cage had it rough as a kid growing up in Harlem and got mixed up with the wrong crowd. So he went to prison for a murder he didn’t commit. In exchange for his release, he underwent some experiments based on a version of the well known super-soldier project. These experiments were supposed to make him immune to illnesses, instead, they made his muscle super humanly dense and strong and made his skin invulnerable. Seeing this, the people who subjected him to these experiments decided to keep him and study him, but with his new found power he broke out and went out to clear his name.

Once free, Luke makes a name for himself as a “Hero for Hire” in his old community. Quickly realizing that his powers are too important to be used only for those who can pay for it, he becomes the vigilante known as “Power Man” (a name I think should be avoided in the movie…unless used as a joke). Luke also eventually meets Jessica Jones, a woman who has seen some super-powered times herself but is now content to just live a normal life. I think no real mention of her various heroic identities needs to be made in the movie, but the occasional “Hey, weren’t you…” lines from random people might be a good head nod to the people who really know the character. Jones eventually marries Cage and they have a baby, but that might be too much for one movie.

On to the villains!

The Wrecking Crew is a group of four not-so-bright coworkers that (now follow me on this) became mystically empowered by holding on to Wrecker’s (the leader) enchanted crowbar while being struck by lightening…

…Okay, so the origin would need some tweaking for a movie audience, but we have seen Thor and Loki and magic and the Hulk and his gamma-powered change, so it might not need too much tweaking, right? These guys are funny, tough characters that are a team, so you can’t just say “Oh I’ll just use Bulldozer for the movie” and move on. They have a way of relating to each other that would make this movie that much better.

The fights would be epic and what makes them cool is that there would be this element we haven’t really seen in superhero movies yet, Luke has no secret identity, no mask. Everyone in his city knows him and has been helped by him in some way before. When the Wrecking Crew starts their “Boss Battle” at the end of this movie, you won’t see a bunch of bystanders in awe and speechless. They will be cheering for Luke like he was in some schoolyard bully beatdown!

Dream Cast:

Luke Cage: Jamie Foxx (“Collateral”)

Jessica Jones:Kristen Bell (“You Again”)

Wrecker: Ron Pearlman (“Hellboy”)

Bulldozer: Randy Couture (“The Expendables”)

Piledriver: Liam Hemsworth (“The Expendables 2″)

Thunderball: Quinton Jackson (“The A-Team”)

Green Arrow

I hate the CW version of anything.

Okay, this will wrap up my “Top 5 DC Characters That Need Their Own Movies” list. Green Arrow is the coolest quasi-anarchist character in DC. Oliver Queen was a billionaire playboy who got most of his fortune from his late family and corrupt means. One day, while partying too hard on his private cruise liner, he falls off and finds himself on a desert island. After he sobers up, he realizes that he needs to survive, so he begins to fashion crude hunting weapons that he’s no good at. Until he perfects a bow and some arrows. He gets better and better at using his new found weapon and before long, he is discovered by a passing ship. Now, Ollie has had a long time (years) to think about himself and he comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t like himself or how rich he is or how he got all that money. When he gets back to the U.S., he decides that he will take the name Green Arrow and fight for the people. He is a very left-wing progressive politics kind of guy now, so he’s going to go after corrupt politics, big business, and anyone who is trying to oppress or otherwise take advantage of the people.

Deathstroke is a hired assassin. He is damn good. He just got hired to take out Green Arrow by a corrupt police chief who is in the pocket of various corrupt politicians. Deathstroke is fast, strong and a master of almost any weapon. The police chief is this fat, weaselly guy named Brian Nudocerdo. He’s greedy and gets paid a lot for paving the way for the big business friends of crooked politicians. Ollie also has a girlfriend which could or could not be used in this movie. The trouble is that she is also a superhero, but she has super powers. Her name is Black Canary (aka Dinah Lance). Dinah is an expert martial artist and rides a motorcycle. She also has something called her “Canary Cry” which is basically a sonic scream that can be used to deafen people or as an actual concussive force to push people or things. Her addition to this movie might complicate things.

This would be a great movie right now with the whole 99% vs. 1% thing going on. Green Arrow against Deathstroke would be very cool because they can go hand-to-hand or quiver-to-magazine. If the movie is set in Seattle or the fictional Star City, these fights could be held on tall buildings, in alleys or even inside tenement buildings. There are so many possibilities for fights that have never been done in movies before with this character. I want this one to happen pretty bad.

Dream Cast:

Oliver Queen/Green Arrow: Chris Pine (“Star Trek”)

Deathstroke: Stephen Lang (“Avatar”)

Brian Nudocerdo: James Gandolfini (“The Mexican”)

Dinah Lance/Black Canary: Emma Watson (“Harry Potter”)

Snow White and the Seven Pecks…er…I mean Dwarves.

“Why am I so much like Bavmorda!?”

Just in case some die hard fans of this movie get angry with what I’m about to say,  I’ll start with a big “I loved this movie”.

That being said, did anybody else notice that this movie was almost exactly like 1988′s “Willow”? I mean, there were a few less mystical animals and the “chosen girl” was a baby and not a woman in “Willow”, but I think Hemsworth studied Kilmer a bit to get ready for his role as the Huntsman. It makes me wonder if these two stories are based on the same Celtic myth. I’m down for that. I love Celtic, Viking, Greek…any mythology, really.

This movie is the newest in, what I hope to be, a long line of positive, strong female role models. Snow White and Alice (from the last Burton movie) are two strong-minded and adventurous girls that don’t rely on sexuality to get the job done (or have men do the job for them). Fantastic movie and I can’t wait to see what’s next. I hope “Mulan”.

Deadman

He’s dead, man!

One of the lesser known DC characters, again, but he shouldn’t be. Boston Brand used to be a great stuntman/acrobat who performed under the name “Deadman”. He took the name so far that he would perform all of his stunts in a white “death’s head” make-up to freak the audience out. Everything was going fine until his circus started being used as a drug trafficking ring. Once Boston found out about it, he planned on going to the cops. The problem is, he found out about it during a show and he wanted to finish performing first. That was a bad idea.

Hook is the one in green…with the hook hand.

Whoever was running the drug ring found out about Boston’s plans and called in a hit man to take him out. Enter: Hook. Hook was the guy brought in for the job of killing Boston and he succeeded. Boston fell from his aerial stunt with a bullet hole in his chest and died. But his spirit was caught by this blue Goddess lady named Rama Kushna. Rama gave him the ability to walk on Earth and in the spirit world and to possess anyone’s body for a limited time. But he is a ghost, so nobody can see or hear him, which makes for a really lonely existence. The good news is, when he finds out the truth about who killed him and why he had to die, he can be free and move on to the other side. Think that would be easy, huh? Nope.

This would have a lot of great twists and turns mixed with some “Crow” style avenging spirit and “Ghost” style…well, ghost-y moments. I think Deadman would make a great movie for anyone looking to get away from the “eight blocks get taken out in a huge fight between two super powered beings” type of superhero movies that are out now. It would be a very personal and private fight for Deadman that the masses would never really find out about. Think about it. You know this would be cool.

Dream Cast:

Boston Brand/Deadman: Ryan Gosling (“Driver”)

Hook: Michael C. Hall (“Dexter” TV)

Rama Kushna: Catherine Zeta Jones (“Ocean’s Twelve”)

We Bought a Zoo

Rarely do I watch a movie that just feels custom made for me, but this is one of those movies. My wife and I watched this last night and we loved every minute of it. The cast is amazing (especially young Maggie Jones, who plays Damon’s daughter).

I never go too far into details of great movies because I think the less you know, the more you’ll really get out of watching it, but I will say that I have never seen a movie successfully use every single way to make the viewer cry. Damon was great as the widower father trying to understand his dark-minded son. I think the most interesting part about this whole film is the fact that it has so many layers that seamlessly blend instead of some movies that wind up tripping all over itself because it does too much.

This one is 2 hours, so get to it when you have some time. Do watch it, though, because I think you’ll walk away feeling really good.

A Quick Thanks

I would just like to throw out a quick thanks to those of you who have chosen to follow my blog. I started this about three months back and the feeling of having almost 20 people following me is crazy. I feel flattered, validated, excited and just a little blown away. I can’t seem to wrap my head around why some people like my ramblings enough to want to get an email every time I post, but you have my thanks.

Bacon lovers (and zombie haters) unite!

Good to know zombies can keep their priorities straight.

So this isn’t a movie post, but check this blog out if you love bacon or hate zombies (in a good way).

Baconbach.wordpress.com

Arise the Demon, Etrigan!

There’s Hell to pay.

Doesn’t sound familiar? Well, he’s been used in a few Batman animated shows before, but he’s mainly from the books. His time has come! But who is he? The son of the demon Belial (one of the four crowned princes of Hell), Etrigan is a demon that was summoned by the powerful wizard Merlin. Merlin wants the secrets of Etrigan’s power, but is unable to discover them. As this is going on, she-sorcerer Morgan Le Fay finds out that Etrigan is in the human world and wants to use him as her demonic slave. To avoid this, Merlin bonds Etrigan to the soul of one of Camelot’s knights named Jason Blood. This hides Etrigan from Le Fay and allows Jason to not only become immortal, but he can also call on the demon whenever he needs his help. The only catch is that he has to be able to speak this invocation: “Change! Change, O form of man! Release the might from fleshy mire! Boil the blood in heart of fire! Gone! Gone! — the form of man — Rise, the Demon Etrigan!!” Sounds really dark and Shakespearean, right, but if his mouth is taped shut, he can’t say it.

So Jason Blood is now really old (but still looks like he’s in his late 20s-early 30s) and hanging out in modern day Gotham (but for a film, New York could be used). He finds work as a freelance demonologist, exorcist and consultant for the police whenever anything super weird comes up. But who does he have to deal with? Who is his villain? A little boy.

This kid needs a time-out.

Klarion (the “Witch Boy”) is a little kid who lives in a secretive society made up of the descendants of the lost Roanoke colony. As a member of this hidden society, Klarion becomes very adept in the “Dark Arts”.  After almost being burned at the stake by his community, he decides that it’s time he head out into the general public. So, out in our world, he uses his magical abilities to wreak havoc. Now, here’s where I would take this for a movie: Klarion finds a way to contact Morgan Le Fay after he witnesses the demon Etrigan at work. He teams with her and makes a deal: She gets Etrigan and he gets to be her adopted son, thereby getting to rule the world with her.

This movie would be like a cross between “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” and “The Incredible Hulk”.  Magic would be a huge factor in the action of the film, but any groans about that can be washed away by thinking about “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”, “Willow”, or “Lord of the Rings”. Magic in action films has been done very well, lately, and this movie would certainly keep to that. Along with magic, knock-down drag-out fights can be used. Think “Hellboy”. This could be a huge movie with some serious sequel possibilities.

By the way, don’t think for a second that this is “Hellboy”. Etrigan is not funny or nice. He’s a mean badass demon.

Dream Cast:

Etrigan: Industrial Light and Magic (“The Avengers”)

Jason Blood: Jude Law (“Sherlock Holmes”)

Klarion: Gulliver McGrath (“Dark Shadows”)

Morgan Le Fay: Eva Green (“Dark Shadows”)

Merlin: Christopher Lee (“Lord of the Rings”)

Belial: Jeremy Irons (“Die Hard: With a Vengeance”)

Wonder Woman

Image

Wonder Woman (also known as Diana Prince) was “born” in Themyscira and is an ambassador of the Amazons. She was created by her mother, the Queen of Themyscira, Hippolyta, when formed from the beach sands and prayed over. Her mother asked the gods to bestow her with great attributes: “beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as Athena, swifter than Hermes and stronger than Hercules.” She also can speak any language and, in some stories, talk to animals.

She met this guy, Steve Trevor, when he crashed his military jet onto the island home of the Amazons. She nursed him back to health and he fell for her. But, being an Amazon, Diana was slow to form relationships with men. So, sorry Steve.

Craaaazy Witch!

Her coolest (and most likely to be in a movie) villain is the evil witch Circe. If the name is familiar, it’s because this was the witch from “The Odyssey” that trapped Odysseus and his men, turning most of them into pigs. Circe is a bad, bad chick. Basically, Circe has the soul of Hecate (an evil witch/moon goddess) inside her, but since Diana is also a moon goddess name, she thinks that Wonder Woman wants Hecate’s soul, too. If that happened, Circe would lose all her powers. So, Circe spends all her time trying to kill Wonder Woman even though Wonder Woman doesn’t want the soul of Hecate inside her. If it sounds complicated, it kinda is.

Anyway, this would be a film close in feel to “Thor”, but with a little more “Girl Power”. And I’m not talking about “Columbiana” or “Electra” girl power, I’m talking about “Kill Bill” or “Haywire” girl power. Wonder Woman is an expert in dozens of hand-to-hand fighting styles, adept in weaponry (especially her enchanted sword and shield), good with magic and is equipped with her indestructible bracelets and her Lasso of Truth…which is also indestructible. There would be some magic play, but with Circe’s ability to turn almost anyone to her will, this movie could have some gritty, hardcore fights.

Besides, do I really need to make an argument for this movie? “Batman Begins”, “Superman: Man of Steel”, and even “Green Lantern” have all been done, it’s obviously time for Wonder Woman.

Dream Cast:

Wonder Woman/Diana Prince: Gina Carano (“Haywire”)

Circe:Angelina Jolie (“Gone in 60 Seconds”)

Steve Trevor: Channing Tatum (“G.I. Joe”)

Queen Hippolyta:Lynda Carter (“Wonder Woman” TV)

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